My satire

Essay on Overcoming Our Personal Hurdles
Mr. Johnson’s class – Period 4
By Courtney Coleman

I’m sure that most of you won’t understand this, but it’s not always easy being drop-dead gorgeous. You have no idea how much responsibility comes with looks like mine. I mean, sometimes I feel like that girl Helen, you know, from the story by that guy Homer (no, not from “The Simpsons”! Don’t worry, I thought that too). But like, look what she had to deal with because of being so beautiful. A war was fought over her! Sometimes I feel like that.

First of all, people look up to me, you know? When I walk down the halls here at Jefferson High, I can tell that all eyes are on me, which means I have a duty to always look my best. Obviously I have loads of natural beauty – other people spend fortunes trying to get blonde locks like mine! But what makes me especially attractive is my stylistic abilities. I am an expert at hair straightening. There’s a technique, you know. And when it comes to fashion, let’s just say that I’m Christopher Columbus and new trends are like America. I’m always discovering something totally fresh that everybody loves. And…well I’m not sure exactly how the Indians fit into that metaphor, but if they were still around, I know they’d all want to wear what I’m wearing too.

As you can see, I have a lot to think about every morning when I wake up. What color looks best on Wednesdays? Should I wear the eyeliner that makes my eyes look smoky or the one that makes them sultry? And don’t even get me started on accessories. So many girls ignore this crucial part of outfit selection and it totally drags down their whole ensemble. Because I’m really interested in helping out the community, I’ve recently drawn up a petition to institute a class on accessorizing. That way, people can choose to take a helpful course instead of like, gym or something (all that class does for me is clog my pores – yuck).

Back to the point, though. My daily personal hurdle is living up to the expectations that have been set for me because of how I look. Now don’t get me wrong, I wouldn’t have it any other way, but sometimes I think that ugly people don’t know how good they’ve got it. They don’t have to worry about whether their baby blue tank top accentuates or detracts from their ocean blue eyes. It’s a little unfair when you think about it. If I make a mistake fashion-wise, it’s a BIG deal, but if they do something like wear navy blue with black (which happens all the time, and no, it doesn’t match!), well, nobody even notices. Some might say that invisibleness is bliss.

I can’t dwell on my hardships, though. I know that even though some days I’d kill to wear a sweatshirt to school, I have to remember my responsibility to my appearance. It’s like what my mom always tells me – “If you’re not looking your best, what else do you have to offer?” I know that sounds mean or whatever, but it’s just her way of reminding me to “emphasize my assets.” I mean, I’m really, really interesting and everyone loves hearing my stories about meeting my mom’s model friends and the Gucci fashion shows I’ve gone to with her. But…it might be nice if every once in awhile people wanted to hear about the funny story I wrote in English class, or the B+ I got on the Algebra final. I studied really hard for that, but my mom’s right – people would rather see my senior pictures on the fridge, not a boring old math test.

I’m really lucky to have a mother who is so involved in my life. She would never let me embarrass myself by going out in clashing shades of red, and she’ll spare any expense to make sure I always have a matching Coach handbag. Some moms just let their kids run wild and wear whatever they want, but I was blessed with a mother who cares. Just think – without her, I might be sporting Skechers right now! I guess you could say she’s like a really good trainer who helps me get in shape to get over all the hurdles in my life, like how to say no to brownies, even though they’re my favorite dessert. It’s tough but then she reminds me that I’ll never get a date to prom if I can’t even fit into my evening gown. That’s a life lesson too – I need to stay in good shape if I’m going to meet a successful, handsome husband to support me. After all, I probably won’t go to college or anything, and I’ll need a fallback plan if modeling doesn’t work out for me. Sure I’m gorgeous, but if I don’t work hard enough on my figure and complexion, I won’t get hired, which Mom never lets me forget. See, there’s another way she’s supportive. She helps me keep my priorities straight and plan for my future. What else could you ask for from a mother?

In the end, I know that my personal hurdles aren’t too high to overcome. I wake up every morning ready to look my best and I embrace the fact that I’m the golden standard of style at Jefferson. And whenever I feel like it’s all too much, my mother is there for me, waiting with her arms outstretched, holding a pair of designer jeans in one hand and a tube of CoverGirl Blushberry lip shine in the other. Gloss is a girl’s best friend, you know. My mom told me that.

Writing response:
Why did you choose the character(s) you did for this assignment? What was the most challenging part of writing a satirical piece? Is your character “round” or “flat”? Did you return to Twain’s excerpt while developing your own satirical piece?
When I was trying to come up with characters for my assignment, I thought about things that bug me or that I find humorous, and one of the first things that came to mind was self-centered, egotistical people. I started out my story intending to write about a girl who thought she was perfect in every way, not just in appearance, but I decided that to make a more complex character, I wanted to show her insecurities as well and that’s where the character of the overbearing mother came into play. The most challenging part of writing this piece was trying to make the satire funny and amusing but develop an interesting, multidimensional character at the same time. I think my character is more rounded by the end of the story than she was at the beginning – at first, she appears one-dimensional, only interested in looks and fashion, but as her “essay” goes on, she reveals that other things are important to her, and her mother is revealed as the source of her fascination with beauty and appearance. I wouldn’t say I necessarily returned to Twain’s piece – I loved his work, but my piece had very different subject matter. I did try to draw from some aspects of his writing however, like the first person narrator who is oblivious to his or her own flaws.